Monday, November 21, 2016

wanting more

I miss this space.
I often find myself wanting to come here and share. I open a new page and immediately find myself stuck, every time. I feel that I have a lot to share but when it comes down to it... it's really just not that interesting... or it doesn't seem that interesting at least. New carpet, tons of paint, even more soccer, quick meals, late bedtimes, falling into bed like I ran a marathon every day... See what I mean?
 My content doesn't feel worthy of posting. 
There is also the matter of finding time to post. I have gotten to a point where I struggle to shut out all that needs to be done around me. I struggle to shut it out and share here, and also to shut it out and create. I do plan to change that. It is hard to stop a bad habit once your anchored to it in this way, but I'll get there. It is important. An essential element to my own happiness. My identity even.
 I feel like I've lost something... not entirely... but a quality I used to have to see beauty in my life no matter how messy it was. I want that back. This blog was a big part of that. The reflection. Taking time to stop, rest, and look back on my days with rosy glasses.
 I am completely unsure what I want out of this space anymore.
 The one thing I do know... is that i want it.
 I want this space in my life. I want to share here. And I don't want to care what people think about what I post. I'm not saying I don't want you to read it. One of the things i miss (so much) is my blog friends. I love when people read and care about what I'm posting. I just think that when we start to worry about what people will think, it kills something in the space. I think that's why my space was dying anyway. Every time I would go to post something I would tell myself that no one would want to read it. And maybe that was true. But I didn't give them a chance did I? 
Well, here's to more...
more sharing,
more connections,
more real life,
even if nobody cares.

Saturday, October 15, 2016

fall flurry

what have we been up to?
simple answer.
home project.
i love this season. it always hits hard and fast. fall flurry.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

small decision : : big change

a couple of you seemed quite curious about what my "big" decisions were that made such a change for this year. the truth is they are not big decisions at all. they are two very small decisions (one that was hardly a decision... just fate really) that made a very big change for me this year.

first decision: i'm not working. not really. i am still a substitute at the montessori, but more of an emergency substitute. i won't be in there very often. just a little here and there.

second "decision"/fate: all of my kids will be going to the same school this year. the only reason this can even be considered a decision at all is because we were considering switching maiko to another school for 6-8th grade. but he decided to stay at elementary for 6th and then home school for 7th and 8th, then go to high school. which could still change, but right now is what we are planning for.

as you can imagine, these two things combined mean i get a lot more time to myself.
my goals for this next year are simple:
i want to accomplish some of the projects i have been planning over the last few years.
(notice i say "some of"... there are quite a lot, and i am trying to be realistic.)
i want to improve my health and well being with regular exercise and meditation.
and i want to spend time on my own personal development.

Personal development covers activities that improve awareness and identity, develop talents and potential, build human capital and facilitate employability, enhance quality of life and contribute to the realization of dreams and aspirations.

so basically, my goals are to catch up and enjoy life, and i am going to try to keep it that simple.

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