Monday, November 21, 2016

wanting more

I miss this space.
I often find myself wanting to come here and share. I open a new page and immediately find myself stuck, every time. I feel that I have a lot to share but when it comes down to it... it's really just not that interesting... or it doesn't seem that interesting at least. New carpet, tons of paint, even more soccer, quick meals, late bedtimes, falling into bed like I ran a marathon every day... See what I mean?
 My content doesn't feel worthy of posting. 
There is also the matter of finding time to post. I have gotten to a point where I struggle to shut out all that needs to be done around me. I struggle to shut it out and share here, and also to shut it out and create. I do plan to change that. It is hard to stop a bad habit once your anchored to it in this way, but I'll get there. It is important. An essential element to my own happiness. My identity even.
 I feel like I've lost something... not entirely... but a quality I used to have to see beauty in my life no matter how messy it was. I want that back. This blog was a big part of that. The reflection. Taking time to stop, rest, and look back on my days with rosy glasses.
 I am completely unsure what I want out of this space anymore.
 The one thing I do know... is that i want it.
 I want this space in my life. I want to share here. And I don't want to care what people think about what I post. I'm not saying I don't want you to read it. One of the things i miss (so much) is my blog friends. I love when people read and care about what I'm posting. I just think that when we start to worry about what people will think, it kills something in the space. I think that's why my space was dying anyway. Every time I would go to post something I would tell myself that no one would want to read it. And maybe that was true. But I didn't give them a chance did I? 
Well, here's to more...
more sharing,
more connections,
more real life,
even if nobody cares.
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