Monday, November 21, 2016

wanting more















I miss this space.
I often find myself wanting to come here and share. I open a new page and immediately find myself stuck, every time. I feel that I have a lot to share but when it comes down to it... it's really just not that interesting... or it doesn't seem that interesting at least. New carpet, tons of paint, even more soccer, quick meals, late bedtimes, falling into bed like I ran a marathon every day... See what I mean?
 My content doesn't feel worthy of posting. 
There is also the matter of finding time to post. I have gotten to a point where I struggle to shut out all that needs to be done around me. I struggle to shut it out and share here, and also to shut it out and create. I do plan to change that. It is hard to stop a bad habit once your anchored to it in this way, but I'll get there. It is important. An essential element to my own happiness. My identity even.
 I feel like I've lost something... not entirely... but a quality I used to have to see beauty in my life no matter how messy it was. I want that back. This blog was a big part of that. The reflection. Taking time to stop, rest, and look back on my days with rosy glasses.
 I am completely unsure what I want out of this space anymore.
 The one thing I do know... is that i want it.
 I want this space in my life. I want to share here. And I don't want to care what people think about what I post. I'm not saying I don't want you to read it. One of the things i miss (so much) is my blog friends. I love when people read and care about what I'm posting. I just think that when we start to worry about what people will think, it kills something in the space. I think that's why my space was dying anyway. Every time I would go to post something I would tell myself that no one would want to read it. And maybe that was true. But I didn't give them a chance did I? 
Well, here's to more...
more sharing,
more connections,
more real life,
even if nobody cares.

7 comments:

Angela said...

Oh it is wonderful to read your stories and see life unfolding on your corner of the world. I have thought so many times to quit the blogging. I consider myself an sporadic blogger. Sometimes life gets busy and I don't post anything for awhile but then I see it as a journal. I can look back and see what was going on. It's my short term time capsule. It seems to me that most people are always looking for a blog that is a DIY and I am not sure I want to do that. That is...people are always "harvesting" from others or they are not happy. Our children are grown up and we don't have grandchildren yet but it's enjoyable to see what other women are doing out there, women of all ages. Sending you wishes of a happy Thanksgiving and hope you continue to blog.

Kim said...

I love coming to your space and reading whatever it is you want to share. You are a beautiful soul with a beautiful family, and it is lovely to have a little glimpse into it. Thank you for sharing, when you do, and know that whenever you post I will stop in to read and say hi. xo

jenny said...

thank you so much. i got tears when i read these comments. i just felt i had to get that bit of my chest before i could move on in this space. when i posted it i didn't think about the responses i may receive. both of your caring comments warm my heart. thanks for the love ladies. i appreciate it so much.

Stephinie said...

xoxo

amanda said...

oh jenny, I get it. I feel like many folks from the little web of blog friends I've connected with are in much the same space. I myself post sporadically and have come to see it mostly for what it is for ME- a somewhat dynamic place for me to chronicle our days and keep track of what we are up to, with (very) little bits of what I'd consider 'real' writing (you know, the gritty stuff, the stuff involving actual emotion as opposed to just the breakfast and the homeschool work and the processed harvest) thrown in here and there when I am so inspired. Which isn't often. Or maybe, it isn't that it isn't often so much as it is just that I'm not always so sure THIS is the place I want to put those things down. Who knows.

all to say- I read your words here, and I like being able to check in from across the miles to get a small glimpse at how your life is unfolding.
xo

jenny said...

amanda, thank you :) a huge part of my love of this space is the connections i have with all of you... and the other is just as you said... something special to look back on and remember our days. i love checking in on your days as well. good to "see" you here :)

mb said...

count me in as one of those who enjoys reading every single thing you post. i totally hear you on this:
"I am completely unsure what I want out of this space anymore.
The one thing I do know... is that i want it.
I want this space in my life. I want to share here. And I don't want to care what people think about what I post."
it's a head game i think we all play with ourselves, those of us who blog anyway.
i apologize for having been a bad follower in recent months, but i wanted to come and get caught up a little bit. i was delighted by all of what i found here to catch up on, but this one stuck out as the one that i felt most. looking forward to catching up more in person! :)

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