thirty

today i am thirty.

there are so many mixed feelings.

not in any sense of feeling "old" or any of that... i feel very very young. 

there is really a mix of three major emotions... excitement, anticipation, and nostalgia.

the nostalgia is mostly the realization that our baby days are over. i was telling someone recently that i spent my twenties raising babies, and that is truly how it felt. i had my first at 19 and then every two or three years (or a year and a half as it was with eislee and ollie) had another one. then it really felt like i was raising a baby for a good three years and at four they suddenly started to feel like a kid. i feel a bit sad that i will never have another baby... oh what a special experience it always was. but at the same time i feel very ready to move on to the next phase in my life.

cue the excitement and anticipation...

i think that part of the reason that thirty feels so monumental to me is that my baby turned four a week ago, and as i mentioned above that means the end of "baby" for me. that feels huge. i have never had a child hit four without a new baby in my arms. until now that is. so... here and now... at thirty... i look ahead to my next ten years and feel that they will be very different from the last ten.i am turning a corner and walking ahead into mostly new territory and it feels strange and exciting. 

so as i said... many emotions... and lots of sentiment.

today is off to an amazing start.

i have been reprieved from all of my usual duties. i slept in and snuggled with my little ones. i got a massage that i swear melted away five years of tension, and soon i will be off for a lunch date with my love, and a wonderful dinner (that i don't have to cook) with my amazing family.
 perfect.

if this is thirty.... i'll gladly take it... and any more years that come my way.
i am so lucky.
what a beautiful life.



the giant metal desk above:
that was my christmas present and now has some birthday bliss to do with it as well.
 will share more soon.